Love

I am learning to love.

I am learning to listen.

I am learning to care.

I am learning to push through the discomfort.

I am learning to forgive.

I am learning to move with the transition.

I am learning to not be stand alone.

I am learning to know who I am.

I am learning to stand up.

I have never been around such a mix of needs.

I have never been around so much judgement.

I have never been around such critical ideas.

But I am thankful for the place that I am.

The place to LOVE.

A transparent decision

I am learning to be transparent and authentic.
I may lose friends and I may gain friends.
But the fact of the matter,
when I am honest and transparent
there is room for the holy spirit to move,
and the compassion of the Lord to be seen.
It may hurt me.
It may cause a broken heart every so often.
But at least I am living.

I am tired of living a numb and false life.
I am ready to be transparent,
I am ready to learn, to love and to live.

I am going to try to live in such a reckless manner
because are we not all reckless anyway.

Afterwards,

I may be alone.
I may lose friends.


But it is well worth it.

Prepare your lonely heart

Thank God for Hope.



If there was no concept of hope. I wonder if we could make it past a day, an hour, or even a minute. For me, deep within there is hope, but outward hope is few and far between. But I am sure some day I will find it. I will not always feel this way, and I can change. The searching and never finding will not last. I will soon believe and soon live on past this time.

For this lonely season of life, I find it very interesting that deep within... the who that I am is not lonely. God is there, he is the source of my strength, my life and my love. I seek Him for these things and I place my days in His hands. The lonely is only found in the living and doing of life, but not in the being. Which is a whole new concept to me!

I think one of the hardest things to do in a westernized christian faith is laying down our desires. We are told we can have anything we want. We here in the US can basically have all that we want. If we want something, for example,we could simply go to a store see that huge plasma screen, buy if for one year free no interest and bam! there you have it. Desire something and with a little tweeking, it is yours. This is why I say that one of the hardest things to do is to lay down our desires at the foot of the cross. No matter how much you think you care about the shiny object or even that person you cared for and would have loved to known. We always need to lay it down at the foot of the cross, to trust his plans are good, that we are satisfied by him, that we find our joy solely in Him. So I have laid mine down, I have let go, but honestly Why... Why... do I feel less joy and peace than before? Why do I have to let go?





I am...

Broken
Surrendered
Believing

all for a deeper confidence in the Lord.

I will prepare my lonely heart.

I will soon share hope and joy with another.

Goodbye sweet.
Hello lonely road.

weary traveler

After talking to a good friend today, I was inspired to write out a blog. Moslty because journaling is not effective right now. OH, how weary I feel. OH, how anxious I am.

I just have to trudge through this alone. I talk to all, but they have nothing to say to help! I hope and pray that soon joy will be restored to my oh so weary soul!