the song of my heart...

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,

For they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,

For they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

For they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful,

For they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,

For they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers,

For they shall be called sons of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

**********************************************************************************

Blessed are the poor

For theirs is the kingdom

Blessed are those who mourn

For they will be comforted

And blessed are the meek

For they will inherit the earth

And blessed are those who hunger and thirst

For they will be filled

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Blessed are the merciful

For they will be shown mercy

Blessed are the pure in heart

For they will see God Almighty

And blessed are the peacemakers

For they will be called His children

And blessed are the persecuted

For they will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

******************************************************************************

The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for usYou are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our sideStill,

You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

Love

I am learning to love.

I am learning to listen.

I am learning to care.

I am learning to push through the discomfort.

I am learning to forgive.

I am learning to move with the transition.

I am learning to not be stand alone.

I am learning to know who I am.

I am learning to stand up.

I have never been around such a mix of needs.

I have never been around so much judgement.

I have never been around such critical ideas.

But I am thankful for the place that I am.

The place to LOVE.

A transparent decision

I am learning to be transparent and authentic.
I may lose friends and I may gain friends.
But the fact of the matter,
when I am honest and transparent
there is room for the holy spirit to move,
and the compassion of the Lord to be seen.
It may hurt me.
It may cause a broken heart every so often.
But at least I am living.

I am tired of living a numb and false life.
I am ready to be transparent,
I am ready to learn, to love and to live.

I am going to try to live in such a reckless manner
because are we not all reckless anyway.

Afterwards,

I may be alone.
I may lose friends.


But it is well worth it.

Prepare your lonely heart

Thank God for Hope.



If there was no concept of hope. I wonder if we could make it past a day, an hour, or even a minute. For me, deep within there is hope, but outward hope is few and far between. But I am sure some day I will find it. I will not always feel this way, and I can change. The searching and never finding will not last. I will soon believe and soon live on past this time.

For this lonely season of life, I find it very interesting that deep within... the who that I am is not lonely. God is there, he is the source of my strength, my life and my love. I seek Him for these things and I place my days in His hands. The lonely is only found in the living and doing of life, but not in the being. Which is a whole new concept to me!

I think one of the hardest things to do in a westernized christian faith is laying down our desires. We are told we can have anything we want. We here in the US can basically have all that we want. If we want something, for example,we could simply go to a store see that huge plasma screen, buy if for one year free no interest and bam! there you have it. Desire something and with a little tweeking, it is yours. This is why I say that one of the hardest things to do is to lay down our desires at the foot of the cross. No matter how much you think you care about the shiny object or even that person you cared for and would have loved to known. We always need to lay it down at the foot of the cross, to trust his plans are good, that we are satisfied by him, that we find our joy solely in Him. So I have laid mine down, I have let go, but honestly Why... Why... do I feel less joy and peace than before? Why do I have to let go?





I am...

Broken
Surrendered
Believing

all for a deeper confidence in the Lord.

I will prepare my lonely heart.

I will soon share hope and joy with another.

Goodbye sweet.
Hello lonely road.

weary traveler

After talking to a good friend today, I was inspired to write out a blog. Moslty because journaling is not effective right now. OH, how weary I feel. OH, how anxious I am.

I just have to trudge through this alone. I talk to all, but they have nothing to say to help! I hope and pray that soon joy will be restored to my oh so weary soul!

School School Go away...

There was something so wonderful and beautiful about living in Mexico and taking classes.
Now I am stuck in my house reading about a civilization and people from over 700 years ago.
I don't like sitting there by myself reading. It's very boring. I don't want to know about the people from long ago, no I want to know the people. The actual people now, their culture now, their lifestyle now. In Mexico, that was something I could do and experience. Here? Well, that is what I am working and aiming towards. But I feel stuck when I have a load of work to do!


I get nerveos.
I fail.
I am discouraged in my classes.

I can speak the language but why can't I speak the language!

Your light, when all else fades

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

By His Wounds We Are Healed

"All the Heavens"

Third Day

As Your children gather in peace

All the angels sing in Heaven

In Your temple all that I seek

Is to glimpse Your holy presence

All the heavens cannot hold You, Lord



How much less to dwell in me?

I can only make my one desire

Holding on to Thee

All the angels exalt You on high

What a kingdom to depart!

But You left Your throne in the sky

Just to live inside my heart

I will always make my one desire

Holding on to Thee

This song just helped me to understand what my next steps need to be during the last few weeks I have left here in Mexico. I desire so many things. I feel like I am just one big bag of mixed desires! (this bag is filled with... I want to go home. I want to stay. I want to be sad. I want to be better. I want to have energy. I want to have the time to work more on my Spanish. I want to be a better house guest to my host family. I want to help all my friends on the trip who are struggling with home sickness, or other problems. I want to be stronger. I want to hug my family. I want to rest in my own house. I want to know what is exactly wrong with me. I want all these things.... I'm telling you a mixed bag of emotions.) Anyway, this song came up on my itunes, and something about it was just really was soothing to me. I played it over and over.

Upon listening to the words more and more it just hit me . He can be my ONLY desire.

And what do you do when something is your ONLY desire, you spend time with what you desire.

Sure maybe my Dad was right, in saying that I am just worrying too much. And now it is time to just trust the Lord. Later that night, I was reading and praying, about "healing."
People were healed by just touching the Lord. How do I do that!? I wanted to be healed!!!
Then, I thought, How do we touch Jesus, now? Then I realized, through spending time with Him.... my ONLY desire. I can't touch him for His healing power, until I spend time with him and pray fervently.

By his wounds we are healed: mind, body and soul.

My Jesus I love Thee

I know Thou art mine

Enferma

Oh the Blog…

I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks now. However, for the past three and a half weeks, I have been captured in a cloud that was made by the strongest infection that has ever taken over my body. I don't really remember much of the past few weeks, they just seemed like one step after another. I believe this whole experience of being sick, has become a huge life lesson. There were days when I am able to move forward, those were the days were I really lean on the Lord. Then there were days, where I was just trying to make it to the next morning. Those days I had no energy to lean on him what so ever. Through it all, I have learned about one of my deepest fears. I mean it was like I was trudging threw the deep, murky parts of my heart to discover this fear.
THE FEAR: Being Sick
BEHIND THE FEAR: lack of control & ability to save myself.
(Control… I like to think I am not a control freak. But really, I had no control of my own body, which really just frustrated me to the point of tears. Over time, rest, and medicines… I still wasn't getting better. And I just wanted to feel better, so I could enjoy this opportunity. But sure enough, there was another plan at hand.)

I have always had this fear of being so sick. Like, what if I get sick and it is too late and I can't do anything about it? These questions have always haunted me. They parade threw my mind, like the Thanksgiving Parade in New York. These thoughts don't have any reason or locic behind them and they don't belong. And I know it.

I just kept praying, during what seemed like such dark hours, that the Lord would just have the control. I wont lie, in those times, my faith felt so small.

All I could do, was habitually read Matthew 6:22- The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

I don't know how to properly explain how this played out in my head, but I just remember thinking. I don't want my body to have this darkness(or sickness), I want the light, the light of christ. But I just had to stop "looking" (focusing) o n the darkness (sickness). I want to look at the light, because I just want a good body again.

Then I continued to read Matthew 6:25- "I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; (And at that point, I had probably lost maybe five to ten pounds, because everything I was eating and drinking just made me worse. I'm telling you… I was sticks and bones!) Then the kicker! Matthew 6:25 continues to say, don't worry about your body,… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

This just hit me so hard. And now in the times where I still feel really sick, I am just going to continue to look toward the light, because that is the true and only way my body with be full of goodness.

(Now, I know, that all these verses have many different things behind them, then what I am saying… but really this is something I felt God really placed on my heart as truth. And I don't think they are that far of the main point. I'm just saying this is just another perspective of how you can think of them.)

But my wisdom is… TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, there is no such thing as trading in your body. You only have one, and without it you are without doing what you might dream of accomplishing!)

Dreams, Stuck, Dad, and June 14th

My last blog...
was a little sad.

I think I realized the enormity of my dream and the infinitesimal amount of time that is left. I was down, I was low, and I had not really had any encouragement for a while. Thankfully, I was able to finally connect with my parents. The people I have met here are great but I knew that I really just needed to get some sturdy, dependable advice. Who better then my dad!? So, I knew what I need to do just to talk to my dad. We really said a lot of things that I needed to hear. I felt like I was climbing a giant rock wall, and I was positioned half way up. I was hanging there stuck and overwhelmed! There were many things my dad explained to me about dreams, and I am going to share a few of my favorites.
First, he told me that he wanted to achieve my dream, which in itself was very reassuring. Sometimes, when we don't have someone to reassure your dreams, it is easy to feel a little hopeless.

Next, he continued to say, What is the worst thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve it? (A very good question, because in this time I was haunted by an invalid fear of failing.) The next question, which is related to this was... What is the best thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve? Well, you will find yourself on a new territory of a new dream!
Here is when it hit me, I have always dreamed of living in Mexico. Living here and experience such a beautiful culture was a huge dream of mine. And I was doing that exact dream. In effect, I was scared because I no longer had another dream or direction. As you all may know, I thrive on having a next step, like a goal, another mountain to climb, something else to aim for in the next part of life. If I don't it is easy for me to become very complacent. But with the question my dad purposed, I realized I really am standing on a new territory of a new dream and I have not lost anything! To me that is a beautiful thing.
My dad then addressed, the struggle a dreamer seems to go through in the process of perusing his dream, and the overwhelming about of fear of falling flat on your face. However, my dad explained with many examples that you maybe you are afraid of a big dream
and you don't want to fail, but the safe living leads to regret later on in life. And I never want to regret anything, I loathe the idea of regret.
Next we talked about the biggest rode block in our lives can be people and what they may say about our dreams. What I learned is that people can attack us, take physical things away from us, but they can never take our thoughts. If I continue to think what I know I can do, I will be able to do it.
My dad also said that Bold DREAMS can change you, while they are changing the world around you!!! Well, this dream of living here, speaking Spanish really has changed me, but not into a different person. The comment really just hit my feelings like a bulls eye, because I am changing in this dream, and the world is defiantly changing. But what I want to emphasis is that I'm not changing into a whole new person. I am no different to who I was before I left. I just thing I am now becoming who I have felt I was all along.
A friend asked a couple of us, when we return from Guanajuato, how will we be different?
I thought about it, and I just don't know if I will be different. I will be the same. However, I will just have continued being Megan for the last five months with a new place and new people. This time here will change me, but I think overall the time has only really just changed the world around me.
During this conversation, I asked my dad how he does it? How he works hard and succeeds. He replied by saying, "I get up, I say a prayer of thanks, and I give the day over to him. I just try to live day by day."
Well, that is what I have been doing, living day by day. And I feel a lot less stressed, stuck and overwhelmed with the things that are ahead.
I am here, I doing what I need, the lord is teaching me and I am growing.
I may not be doing everything, I had wanted or planned to do, but I am just getting up, praying, and handing over the day. Because "Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, TODAY is the ONLY CASH YOU HAVE! SPEND IT WELL!"

So I am going to spend my "cash" well!!

My dad then finished by saying that... We can see in the book of James, that it is the thinking you have that will lead you to the success to your dream. And when we worry about the dream, we begin messing up.
He said don't let anyone steal your dream… Build on to your dream with little steps and little success everyday!!
Then when I see you at the airport on June 14th, and you will have achieved your dream!
Well, Dad... I am doing this day by day...
I will see you June 14th with my dream accomplished.

Overwelmed

My heart feels...
oh so manythings that I don't know what to do with it all. I love it here, and I feel SO blessed to be here.

But right now, I just am overwelmed and feel like there are so many things I could do and want to do!

But where do I start, what can I do, and where do I go.


I feel a little...




Lost!



But I am happy to be here! I feel like I am learning so much! And I want the most from this situation! I just don't know where to start, and what to do. Then when I finally feel like I have an idea, something changes! AHHH!!!
I am lost in so many thoughts!!
I am going to work it out and write you what they are!
Don't worry, I am good! But just have so much that I am learning occuring at the same time! I am just SO confused of what to do with it all!
Meggie Sue.

Almost nine weeks in... and I lot more to learn!

pictures and videos

The first of march! I cannot believe it is the first of MARCH!! I have really enjoyed all that I have been doing here. I am looking forward to the two week break coming up in about three weeks. Right now, I am sitting next to a girl who is editing her paper, and she has the same mistakes that I do in my papers. That makes me feel a little better. Today I had a great day, woke up and went on a drive around the panoramica (a senic drive of the city!) I loved it, then we walked around and just hung out in different parts of the city. I have something really exciting that might occure in the next few weeks or so, however, I don't really want to talk about it quite yet because it is so premature! But it will be a great opportunity to help some of the people here with my skills in learning a language and learning to be a teacher. It is something that I have always wanted to do, and I always thought that I would have to be a little older to do this! BUT NO, I don't! I still have to talk with the lady, but I will be praying and praying and praying that it happens.
Oh I pray it work, I pray!!!

So I am just going to give you a taste of the lovely city, Guanajuato!!



Disclaimer: This kid is probably 50% correct in what he is saying, but oh well I just liked that there was a video of city. Don't believe him in somethings and just enjoy the city sights!



This is a great pic video...



This is like you are taking a stoll, around the city!




Hope you enjoyed... a taste of this beautiful life!!!!

Bless Me in the Work I Do

This is a blog I wrote about February 10th or so…

Blessing me in the work I do…
I have had the opportunity this week to really just be still before the Lord and gather myself. This time of "grounding myself" (as I like to say) began on Saturday and continued through these past few days.
Saturday did not start out so well. First, I thought we had to meet for the excursion at ten thirty in the morning. But as I was lying in bed and slowly waking up I decided that it would be better if I checked the schedule again. Sure enough, at 9:15 I has to be at la plaza de la paz (which is like ten or fifteen minutes away by car), and I looked at my phone it was 9:10. I told my senora, in my broken Spanish, that I had to be there in five minutes. She made me grab some food and we rushed out. None the less, I made it in time.
For the excursions on Saturday, we went to a few different places. The first museum was nice… to say the least. It was a museum of mummies! I thought it was a little interesting, but I probably wouldn't go again. However, one thing is I was able to see the worlds smallest mummy!
Then we went to a beautiful church in Valenciana (kind of like a suburb of Guanajuato), which was absolutely beautiful. After, we went to the mine, which was right next to the church. I thought it was cool we were going into a mine, but as soon as I stepped down I realized I really didn't like going into mines. Eek! But overall I enjoyed it! After that we returned to the beautiful church. As I was sitting on some steps, I realized, "I have no idea where my keys to the house were!!" (hint: this was not good, mostly because they were not my keys nor my house) While I was sitting on the steps, I was trying not to be upset. But I was. I don't like losing things! Not only had a woke up late and lost my keys. But I few days before I had been bit by a bug, which made my ankle swell up like a balloon, and I lost my Mexican cell phone. I just felt like I wasn't doing to well, and I just felt scattered and displaced.
After the final excursion, a historical hacienda that was used by the Spanish as a place to torture indigenous people (At least that is what I got from it!), I was finally able to go home and collect myself again! I really need the time to just be, to rest, to organize myself and enjoy just being still. I slept most of the day and night, I watched pride and prejudice and read a lot! IT WAS GREAT!
Sunday, I went to a Christian church with some other girls! This was such a refreshing time, I was able to sing and listen and be in a community! It was so wonderful and such a huge blessing. I hope to return and meet more people!
Now along comes Monday, Oh sweet Monday! I had sometime in the afternoon to just read and prayer. I just felt like it was on my heart to pray that the Lord would bless my work (work=school and opportunity to be apart of a community) here in Mexico. When we do work, we want to do it well and be great at what we do. When we accomplish something worthwhile (making life better for others, our family, or ourselves) well it just gives us satisfaction. But when our works are not blessed by the Lord then we can become frustrated and stressed. God wants us to experience this kind of success in our lives, but it can not happen without prayer! Therefore, I decided to really pray about my time here! Proverbs 27 says that a mans work is in vain if the lord is not apart of it. "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain."

Overall, I realized that my work is never in vain, if I continue to seek the Lord's will and blessing. I realized that I need to continually ask God to show me the work I am supposed to be doing. I understand now that no matter now or in the future, I can always pray that he will give me strength and energy to get my work done well. I can pray for success. I can pray for fullfillment and satisfaction in every aspect of it, even in the most difficult and unpleaseant parts. No matter where or how I may labor, there is always profits of one kind or another( Proverbs 14:23) He has given me the abilities to do this work, and where I am lacking in skill He will help me to grow and improve so that I do my work well. In conclusion, I give him my works… "knowing he will establish it." Provers 16:3

My overall prayer is that… "May it always be that I love the work I do and be able to do the work I love! According to Your Word I pray that I WILL NOT LAG IN DILIGENCE in my work, but REMAIN FERVENT in SPIRIT, SERVING YOU IN EVERYTHING I DO!!! (Romans 12:11) "

Every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor; it is the gift of God. (Ecclesiastes 3:13) With that being said about our generous and loving God, why shouldn't I be able to pray such a prayer!

The pressure of time...

The last few hours, I had the opportunity to walk around the city by myself with no other norteamericanos or extranjeros. I had such a wonderful time! I am learning that I enjoy just being on my own, and I have missed the time that I can just have alone. For one thing, I am a person who cannot learn unless I have the opportunity to process on my own. I need my space, so I can think and find out what I am truly feeling. And lo and behold this afternoon I had the opportunity to just be able to wonder and walk around! (I love wondering in new place, you can always find such great things.) I decided to buy some delicious bread since I was unable to have breakfast today. I bought some pretty cute inexpensive shoes, so my feet wont get so dirty.
After that I had to come to the program's office, so that I could go to a doctor to find out my blood type. While we were there, I was with some wonderful and very sweet girls. As I was talking to them, something came to mind.
''Raise your 'I' and drop your 'D'. ''

(I think my family are the only people who will understand this next part... but oh well!)

Right now, I feel a little out of sorts, like I have lost my words. And I really think the reason for this is because my lifestyle right now is very dependent on others. For example, my host family (I depend on them for food, I have to adjust my schedule so that I can respect theirs, I have been dependent on others to help me speak, I am dependent on others when I want to hangout. All of which are not bad, but it is just very opposite to me. I like to do what I want, I like to have freedom in my schedule, I like to discover and do my own things seperately from others. Writing that makes me sounds so controlling and stubborn, but I am not. That is just how I am created. That is just the way I feel most comfortable. The things is I just like to have a lot of freedom in my life. Not because I have an attidude of it is my way or the highway... No!! But becuase I takes time, a lot of time, for me to pick things up or understand. And if I am around others, they are always a lot quicker than me and I get left in the dust. I can never learn or grow if there is no time for me to try on my own. I can never express myself if I don't have the time to reflect and explain. Now, is the time for me to drop this side of me, the ''d'' side and raise my ''s'' or ''c'' (either one, not sure which one) side.
I guess my biggest stress right now, beside the scorpions, is ''time''. There is so much to do and see, and I want to experience it all and grow a ton and speak beautiful spanish, and write without major grammar errors, and volunteer, and take up some form of minister, and make friends, and this and that, and this and that and there is just no time for it all. There is not enough time, especially for me, the girl who take enourmeous amounts of time with everything. Therefore, I am going to drop my ''D'' and raise my ''I'' or ''S''. I am not going to be a driven mover and shaker here in mexico, I am going to learn to just enjoy the time. While praying that everything that I want and what the Lord wants will fall into place.

I just can't controll time or shape the future into anything. Whatever happens... happens.

Please respond and let me know what you think!!!

the begging mexico blog

* There is so much to say and I wont say it all. But at least I started blogging... which is always that hardest thing to do!
Well, as I sit here in my bed writing I hear many things going on around me. First, I here my lovely and kind hearted senora clanking the dishes as she washes, a bus and a few cars, and my dear and beloved scorpions. I would say that there is one of these lovely bugs maybe three to four feet away from my bed. I could go on a hunt for him, but I never find the little guys. I have learn to just except that there are scorpions around me. I can only hear them but I have never see one, so I am not going to worry. I call them the little buggers. Obviously because he is a bug and second because those little guy keep me up at night, sometimes the little bugger can even wake me up at night! I just pray every night that they just wont come into my precious bed. I am not scared of them because of there bug-ish ways, but more because I just don't want to get stung! Ouch!
Anyway, enough about scorpions. Well, I am in Mexico. I have just completed my first week, and I would say that it went very well. I enjoy my family, a mom and her daughter (one year younger than me). I am finding that they enjoy me as well, which is a great blessing! There are times though when it is hard communicating with them, but I just know it that will happen and I am just going to have to accept it.
My days consists of waking up at six or six thirty, which here it seems very early but back home this is more like sleeping in for me. I will eat breakfast, head out the door, take a bus, attend classes until 12 or 1 central time. Then I will hang out with others, study, get online for a short time. Then I will head over to my house and eat with mi "hermana". I enjoy this time because it gives me an opportunity to speak and practice speaking with out the pressure of classes or other people in the room. But now, there is another student from Leon, the next city over, living in the house with us. At first she startled me when I saw her eating at the table. She is nice, but I am pretty sad that it isn't just me and the senora with her daughter. Oh well, what can you do!?
I love being here… I will write more latter. This blog was not very good! I blame it on the fact that it is my first one. And there is just so much to write and I don't know what to say, so I just rambled a bit… I will write more information later!!!