The pressure of time...

The last few hours, I had the opportunity to walk around the city by myself with no other norteamericanos or extranjeros. I had such a wonderful time! I am learning that I enjoy just being on my own, and I have missed the time that I can just have alone. For one thing, I am a person who cannot learn unless I have the opportunity to process on my own. I need my space, so I can think and find out what I am truly feeling. And lo and behold this afternoon I had the opportunity to just be able to wonder and walk around! (I love wondering in new place, you can always find such great things.) I decided to buy some delicious bread since I was unable to have breakfast today. I bought some pretty cute inexpensive shoes, so my feet wont get so dirty.
After that I had to come to the program's office, so that I could go to a doctor to find out my blood type. While we were there, I was with some wonderful and very sweet girls. As I was talking to them, something came to mind.
''Raise your 'I' and drop your 'D'. ''

(I think my family are the only people who will understand this next part... but oh well!)

Right now, I feel a little out of sorts, like I have lost my words. And I really think the reason for this is because my lifestyle right now is very dependent on others. For example, my host family (I depend on them for food, I have to adjust my schedule so that I can respect theirs, I have been dependent on others to help me speak, I am dependent on others when I want to hangout. All of which are not bad, but it is just very opposite to me. I like to do what I want, I like to have freedom in my schedule, I like to discover and do my own things seperately from others. Writing that makes me sounds so controlling and stubborn, but I am not. That is just how I am created. That is just the way I feel most comfortable. The things is I just like to have a lot of freedom in my life. Not because I have an attidude of it is my way or the highway... No!! But becuase I takes time, a lot of time, for me to pick things up or understand. And if I am around others, they are always a lot quicker than me and I get left in the dust. I can never learn or grow if there is no time for me to try on my own. I can never express myself if I don't have the time to reflect and explain. Now, is the time for me to drop this side of me, the ''d'' side and raise my ''s'' or ''c'' (either one, not sure which one) side.
I guess my biggest stress right now, beside the scorpions, is ''time''. There is so much to do and see, and I want to experience it all and grow a ton and speak beautiful spanish, and write without major grammar errors, and volunteer, and take up some form of minister, and make friends, and this and that, and this and that and there is just no time for it all. There is not enough time, especially for me, the girl who take enourmeous amounts of time with everything. Therefore, I am going to drop my ''D'' and raise my ''I'' or ''S''. I am not going to be a driven mover and shaker here in mexico, I am going to learn to just enjoy the time. While praying that everything that I want and what the Lord wants will fall into place.

I just can't controll time or shape the future into anything. Whatever happens... happens.

Please respond and let me know what you think!!!