Enferma

Oh the Blog…

I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks now. However, for the past three and a half weeks, I have been captured in a cloud that was made by the strongest infection that has ever taken over my body. I don't really remember much of the past few weeks, they just seemed like one step after another. I believe this whole experience of being sick, has become a huge life lesson. There were days when I am able to move forward, those were the days were I really lean on the Lord. Then there were days, where I was just trying to make it to the next morning. Those days I had no energy to lean on him what so ever. Through it all, I have learned about one of my deepest fears. I mean it was like I was trudging threw the deep, murky parts of my heart to discover this fear.
THE FEAR: Being Sick
BEHIND THE FEAR: lack of control & ability to save myself.
(Control… I like to think I am not a control freak. But really, I had no control of my own body, which really just frustrated me to the point of tears. Over time, rest, and medicines… I still wasn't getting better. And I just wanted to feel better, so I could enjoy this opportunity. But sure enough, there was another plan at hand.)

I have always had this fear of being so sick. Like, what if I get sick and it is too late and I can't do anything about it? These questions have always haunted me. They parade threw my mind, like the Thanksgiving Parade in New York. These thoughts don't have any reason or locic behind them and they don't belong. And I know it.

I just kept praying, during what seemed like such dark hours, that the Lord would just have the control. I wont lie, in those times, my faith felt so small.

All I could do, was habitually read Matthew 6:22- The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

I don't know how to properly explain how this played out in my head, but I just remember thinking. I don't want my body to have this darkness(or sickness), I want the light, the light of christ. But I just had to stop "looking" (focusing) o n the darkness (sickness). I want to look at the light, because I just want a good body again.

Then I continued to read Matthew 6:25- "I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; (And at that point, I had probably lost maybe five to ten pounds, because everything I was eating and drinking just made me worse. I'm telling you… I was sticks and bones!) Then the kicker! Matthew 6:25 continues to say, don't worry about your body,… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

This just hit me so hard. And now in the times where I still feel really sick, I am just going to continue to look toward the light, because that is the true and only way my body with be full of goodness.

(Now, I know, that all these verses have many different things behind them, then what I am saying… but really this is something I felt God really placed on my heart as truth. And I don't think they are that far of the main point. I'm just saying this is just another perspective of how you can think of them.)

But my wisdom is… TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, there is no such thing as trading in your body. You only have one, and without it you are without doing what you might dream of accomplishing!)