A new year.

A new me?


can I stay the same?



Or will I change?

Jesus.


Hear me, come to me, guide me.


I will rejoice.

Christ's Letter

I don't want to get out of bed today.


God give me the courage and strength to walk into the next day.

I don't want to be a sob story.
I don't want to evoke pitty.

I honestly just want to be, to live, and to love.
I honestly want to trust in the Lord, especially in the pain, suffering, sickness, hurt, and loneliness.

I cannot change anything.

I can only accept the past and the present.

Time is my biggest FEAR.
Pride is my biggest SIN.


Break this away lord.
Break down my walls.

Take away my fears.
Take away my sins.

JESUS, I want to touch you.
with one touch, you heal.

I believe, Christ.
Help me speak about my hope in you.

Oh come, Oh come

As the Christmas season approaches, I have noticed I have not been excited about any of the various Christmas festivities. I normally am super excited for Christmas. But this year, I feel like I am the Grinch and Scrooge all mixed into one.
Why?
I have my thoughts and reasons, which mostly have to do with the big life change about to happen. I don't really want my life right now to change, I hate change. The events to come in my life flood my thoughts and dreams. The questions, fears, doubts, and hopes invade my mind.
All I seem to be able to do is remind myself, 'Just wait Megan. God is near. Wait!'

That's when it hit me yesterday at church during the lighting of the advent candle, we are ALL waiting represented by advent. We (the body of Christ) have lit two advent candles, and are waiting to light the remaining candles. We are all waiting. We are all waiting to celebrate the most important change our lives and this world will ever have encountered. Waiting to celebrate the birth of Christ, who destroys all our questions, fears, doubts and who is our ultimate hope.

The birth of our Savior. The birth of the One who gives us true life.

Yet, here I am, my mind more preoccupied with the small, futile, fleeting season of my life.
No wonder why my joy is gone!

Oh God, forgive me. Thank you for the gift of your beloved son. Thank you for sending Him to save us. Forgive me that I am more focused on my life than on His life.

I would rather wait for and meditate on your truly life changing birth of Christ, than focus any more energy on my changing life. You are the true life.

Oh come, Oh Come Jesus.

I will wait.


Oh, come, Oh, come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Oh, come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel


I will WAIT, because He has come.
I will REJOICE, because He has come.
I will be JOYFUL, because He has come.

Milestone

As I lay here, sun pouring through the windows and the urgency of the day on my mind, I am trying to take the time to hear a still and quiet voice. The Lord is so soft and gentle with me, is he the same with you? I don't want to jump out of this moment, I long to linger in the light and stillness. I discovered something this morning, through a hodgepodge of thoughts from Luke, a single piece of thread that connects the words of Christ's life.

The thread, dying to self.

While I have been digging into chapter 17 and 18 in Luke, I began to notice the thread amongst all the various parables. First, Jesus says "things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to the person through who they come." He continues to explain, the best for us who lead little ones to sin is to be thrown into a sea with a milestone around your neck. The milestone was used to yoke the ox together, to bound an animal to another object, forcing them to do the work in front of them. I began to question, How often to I bind someone to work or sin? Are we not all bound to sin at some point? How often do I hold others to their sin, forcing them to carry their weight. Woe, to me, I should tie the milestone on my neck and drown in the sea.

Tonight's Simple Prayer

Tonight.
Sweet. Music. Movement. Joy.
Thank you.

So long sweet summer. So long sweet dreams.
I place all in the hands of the gardener.
The gardener of my life.
Trust. Faith. Hope.

Rest, my soul, in the Love of the Father.

Prayer Reveals Beauty

After reading a little devotional about prayer this morning, I became overwhelmed with questions and thoughts.


The author defined Prayer as "an ongoing interaction between the material world and the spiritual world. It takes many forms. One of those forms is active, aggressive obedience to God's revealed will" (Kennedy Dean)

When one looks at prayer as described above, we can see that prayer is more than just words between Dear God and Amen.


"What is God's intent for prayer?
The Purpose of prayer is to release the power of God to accomplish the purposes of God. The purpose of prayer is to discover God's will, not obligate Him to do mine; to reflect God's mind, not change it. I could, through prayer, release God's power to bring about the best possible solution in every situation, because that is always God's desire. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" Jeremiah 29:11 " (Kennedy Dean)

"Finding a new purpose for prayer is required to have an inner transformation. Changing my prayer focus from my own satisfaction and happiness to God's glory and eternal purposes would take a brand new heart" (Kennedy Dean).

"'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws'" (Ezekiel 36:26-27) "... shaping my desires to match His. He promised to take my self-centered heart and fasten it on Him. And He worked in me until I desired to receive what He desired to give. 'It is God who worked in you to will... his good purpose' " (Kennedy Dean).

After reading these points, I began to wonder... "Okay God, I see the desires you have placed on my heart and I feel them in my daily life. I hope and pray that I can act on these desires you have placed in my life, but what do I do when I am alone in acting out those desires? Does that mean they are my own desires? Or do I not have the faith to speak up or step out in those desires? How much of my character influences my action? Am I really living out these desires and giving you the glory? Am I being changed by you in my prayers or am I trying to change you?


Afterward, I decided to read through a little of Ephesians and began to see many connections between my little devotional and this book. Later, I will write more about these verses and topics discovered in Ephesians and how they may connect with the thoughts mentioned above.

the song of my heart...

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,

For they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,

For they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

For they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful,

For they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,

For they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers,

For they shall be called sons of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

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Blessed are the poor

For theirs is the kingdom

Blessed are those who mourn

For they will be comforted

And blessed are the meek

For they will inherit the earth

And blessed are those who hunger and thirst

For they will be filled

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Blessed are the merciful

For they will be shown mercy

Blessed are the pure in heart

For they will see God Almighty

And blessed are the peacemakers

For they will be called His children

And blessed are the persecuted

For they will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

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The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for usYou are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our sideStill,

You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side