my song.

God has taught me some beautiful and wonderful truths over the past month.

My eyes have no longer been distracted with the admiration of the world.

Instead I saw the soft and loving attributes of the Lord contrasted with grand and firm attributes of the Lord.

I desire to express what He shared and the deep water he poured over my thirsty heart.

However, the words were so rich and precious, I don't know where to begin.

He broke my heart with his soft loving words.

I am so thankful.

Here is a little nugget of Truth that pierced my heart.

Isaiah 12

1 And in that day thou shalt say, O LORD, I will praise thee: though thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedst me.

2 Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.

3 Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

4 And in that day shall ye say, Praise the LORD, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted.

5 Sing unto the LORD; for he hath done excellent things: this is known in all the earth. 6 Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion: for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee.

False Talk Hit with Truth

I am slowly realizing there is so much false talk in the world.

Sentences filled with fake words.

People, myself included, do not speak truthfully.

However, I desire and choose to live a life full of good intentions and not false chatter.

I pray that my yes be yes' and my no be no's.

May people like me for who I am and not what they want to hear.

May people stop acting like they know it all and start living a life full of CARE and COMPASSION for one another.

Maybe I live in a false dream and these desires may never come forth.

But that doesn't matter to me.

I am the one who makes the choice, to be myself and care for others in ways only God's spirit empowers me to do so.

No one can take that away from me and I cannot change them to act in anyway possible.

I am not perfect and I know I don't do this all the time.

But in the confidence of the Lord I feel like I can say I desire to treat others the same no matter what may happen.

Is this me truly learning to turn my cheek?

I hope so.

Megan

A new year.

A new me?


can I stay the same?



Or will I change?

Jesus.


Hear me, come to me, guide me.


I will rejoice.

Christ's Letter

I don't want to get out of bed today.


God give me the courage and strength to walk into the next day.

I don't want to be a sob story.
I don't want to evoke pitty.

I honestly just want to be, to live, and to love.
I honestly want to trust in the Lord, especially in the pain, suffering, sickness, hurt, and loneliness.

I cannot change anything.

I can only accept the past and the present.

Time is my biggest FEAR.
Pride is my biggest SIN.


Break this away lord.
Break down my walls.

Take away my fears.
Take away my sins.

JESUS, I want to touch you.
with one touch, you heal.

I believe, Christ.
Help me speak about my hope in you.

Oh come, Oh come

As the Christmas season approaches, I have noticed I have not been excited about any of the various Christmas festivities. I normally am super excited for Christmas. But this year, I feel like I am the Grinch and Scrooge all mixed into one.
Why?
I have my thoughts and reasons, which mostly have to do with the big life change about to happen. I don't really want my life right now to change, I hate change. The events to come in my life flood my thoughts and dreams. The questions, fears, doubts, and hopes invade my mind.
All I seem to be able to do is remind myself, 'Just wait Megan. God is near. Wait!'

That's when it hit me yesterday at church during the lighting of the advent candle, we are ALL waiting represented by advent. We (the body of Christ) have lit two advent candles, and are waiting to light the remaining candles. We are all waiting. We are all waiting to celebrate the most important change our lives and this world will ever have encountered. Waiting to celebrate the birth of Christ, who destroys all our questions, fears, doubts and who is our ultimate hope.

The birth of our Savior. The birth of the One who gives us true life.

Yet, here I am, my mind more preoccupied with the small, futile, fleeting season of my life.
No wonder why my joy is gone!

Oh God, forgive me. Thank you for the gift of your beloved son. Thank you for sending Him to save us. Forgive me that I am more focused on my life than on His life.

I would rather wait for and meditate on your truly life changing birth of Christ, than focus any more energy on my changing life. You are the true life.

Oh come, Oh Come Jesus.

I will wait.


Oh, come, Oh, come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Oh, come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel


I will WAIT, because He has come.
I will REJOICE, because He has come.
I will be JOYFUL, because He has come.

Milestone

As I lay here, sun pouring through the windows and the urgency of the day on my mind, I am trying to take the time to hear a still and quiet voice. The Lord is so soft and gentle with me, is he the same with you? I don't want to jump out of this moment, I long to linger in the light and stillness. I discovered something this morning, through a hodgepodge of thoughts from Luke, a single piece of thread that connects the words of Christ's life.

The thread, dying to self.

While I have been digging into chapter 17 and 18 in Luke, I began to notice the thread amongst all the various parables. First, Jesus says "things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to the person through who they come." He continues to explain, the best for us who lead little ones to sin is to be thrown into a sea with a milestone around your neck. The milestone was used to yoke the ox together, to bound an animal to another object, forcing them to do the work in front of them. I began to question, How often to I bind someone to work or sin? Are we not all bound to sin at some point? How often do I hold others to their sin, forcing them to carry their weight. Woe, to me, I should tie the milestone on my neck and drown in the sea.

Tonight's Simple Prayer

Tonight.
Sweet. Music. Movement. Joy.
Thank you.

So long sweet summer. So long sweet dreams.
I place all in the hands of the gardener.
The gardener of my life.
Trust. Faith. Hope.

Rest, my soul, in the Love of the Father.

Prayer Reveals Beauty

After reading a little devotional about prayer this morning, I became overwhelmed with questions and thoughts.


The author defined Prayer as "an ongoing interaction between the material world and the spiritual world. It takes many forms. One of those forms is active, aggressive obedience to God's revealed will" (Kennedy Dean)

When one looks at prayer as described above, we can see that prayer is more than just words between Dear God and Amen.


"What is God's intent for prayer?
The Purpose of prayer is to release the power of God to accomplish the purposes of God. The purpose of prayer is to discover God's will, not obligate Him to do mine; to reflect God's mind, not change it. I could, through prayer, release God's power to bring about the best possible solution in every situation, because that is always God's desire. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" Jeremiah 29:11 " (Kennedy Dean)

"Finding a new purpose for prayer is required to have an inner transformation. Changing my prayer focus from my own satisfaction and happiness to God's glory and eternal purposes would take a brand new heart" (Kennedy Dean).

"'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws'" (Ezekiel 36:26-27) "... shaping my desires to match His. He promised to take my self-centered heart and fasten it on Him. And He worked in me until I desired to receive what He desired to give. 'It is God who worked in you to will... his good purpose' " (Kennedy Dean).

After reading these points, I began to wonder... "Okay God, I see the desires you have placed on my heart and I feel them in my daily life. I hope and pray that I can act on these desires you have placed in my life, but what do I do when I am alone in acting out those desires? Does that mean they are my own desires? Or do I not have the faith to speak up or step out in those desires? How much of my character influences my action? Am I really living out these desires and giving you the glory? Am I being changed by you in my prayers or am I trying to change you?


Afterward, I decided to read through a little of Ephesians and began to see many connections between my little devotional and this book. Later, I will write more about these verses and topics discovered in Ephesians and how they may connect with the thoughts mentioned above.

the song of my heart...

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,

For they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,

For they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

For they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful,

For they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,

For they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers,

For they shall be called sons of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

**********************************************************************************

Blessed are the poor

For theirs is the kingdom

Blessed are those who mourn

For they will be comforted

And blessed are the meek

For they will inherit the earth

And blessed are those who hunger and thirst

For they will be filled

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Blessed are the merciful

For they will be shown mercy

Blessed are the pure in heart

For they will see God Almighty

And blessed are the peacemakers

For they will be called His children

And blessed are the persecuted

For they will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Rejoice and be glad

For great is your reward

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

******************************************************************************

The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for usYou are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our sideStill,

You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

Love

I am learning to love.

I am learning to listen.

I am learning to care.

I am learning to push through the discomfort.

I am learning to forgive.

I am learning to move with the transition.

I am learning to not be stand alone.

I am learning to know who I am.

I am learning to stand up.

I have never been around such a mix of needs.

I have never been around so much judgement.

I have never been around such critical ideas.

But I am thankful for the place that I am.

The place to LOVE.

A transparent decision

I am learning to be transparent and authentic.
I may lose friends and I may gain friends.
But the fact of the matter,
when I am honest and transparent
there is room for the holy spirit to move,
and the compassion of the Lord to be seen.
It may hurt me.
It may cause a broken heart every so often.
But at least I am living.

I am tired of living a numb and false life.
I am ready to be transparent,
I am ready to learn, to love and to live.

I am going to try to live in such a reckless manner
because are we not all reckless anyway.

Afterwards,

I may be alone.
I may lose friends.


But it is well worth it.

Prepare your lonely heart

Thank God for Hope.



If there was no concept of hope. I wonder if we could make it past a day, an hour, or even a minute. For me, deep within there is hope, but outward hope is few and far between. But I am sure some day I will find it. I will not always feel this way, and I can change. The searching and never finding will not last. I will soon believe and soon live on past this time.

For this lonely season of life, I find it very interesting that deep within... the who that I am is not lonely. God is there, he is the source of my strength, my life and my love. I seek Him for these things and I place my days in His hands. The lonely is only found in the living and doing of life, but not in the being. Which is a whole new concept to me!

I think one of the hardest things to do in a westernized christian faith is laying down our desires. We are told we can have anything we want. We here in the US can basically have all that we want. If we want something, for example,we could simply go to a store see that huge plasma screen, buy if for one year free no interest and bam! there you have it. Desire something and with a little tweeking, it is yours. This is why I say that one of the hardest things to do is to lay down our desires at the foot of the cross. No matter how much you think you care about the shiny object or even that person you cared for and would have loved to known. We always need to lay it down at the foot of the cross, to trust his plans are good, that we are satisfied by him, that we find our joy solely in Him. So I have laid mine down, I have let go, but honestly Why... Why... do I feel less joy and peace than before? Why do I have to let go?





I am...

Broken
Surrendered
Believing

all for a deeper confidence in the Lord.

I will prepare my lonely heart.

I will soon share hope and joy with another.

Goodbye sweet.
Hello lonely road.

weary traveler

After talking to a good friend today, I was inspired to write out a blog. Moslty because journaling is not effective right now. OH, how weary I feel. OH, how anxious I am.

I just have to trudge through this alone. I talk to all, but they have nothing to say to help! I hope and pray that soon joy will be restored to my oh so weary soul!

School School Go away...

There was something so wonderful and beautiful about living in Mexico and taking classes.
Now I am stuck in my house reading about a civilization and people from over 700 years ago.
I don't like sitting there by myself reading. It's very boring. I don't want to know about the people from long ago, no I want to know the people. The actual people now, their culture now, their lifestyle now. In Mexico, that was something I could do and experience. Here? Well, that is what I am working and aiming towards. But I feel stuck when I have a load of work to do!


I get nerveos.
I fail.
I am discouraged in my classes.

I can speak the language but why can't I speak the language!

Your light, when all else fades

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

By His Wounds We Are Healed

"All the Heavens"

Third Day

As Your children gather in peace

All the angels sing in Heaven

In Your temple all that I seek

Is to glimpse Your holy presence

All the heavens cannot hold You, Lord



How much less to dwell in me?

I can only make my one desire

Holding on to Thee

All the angels exalt You on high

What a kingdom to depart!

But You left Your throne in the sky

Just to live inside my heart

I will always make my one desire

Holding on to Thee

This song just helped me to understand what my next steps need to be during the last few weeks I have left here in Mexico. I desire so many things. I feel like I am just one big bag of mixed desires! (this bag is filled with... I want to go home. I want to stay. I want to be sad. I want to be better. I want to have energy. I want to have the time to work more on my Spanish. I want to be a better house guest to my host family. I want to help all my friends on the trip who are struggling with home sickness, or other problems. I want to be stronger. I want to hug my family. I want to rest in my own house. I want to know what is exactly wrong with me. I want all these things.... I'm telling you a mixed bag of emotions.) Anyway, this song came up on my itunes, and something about it was just really was soothing to me. I played it over and over.

Upon listening to the words more and more it just hit me . He can be my ONLY desire.

And what do you do when something is your ONLY desire, you spend time with what you desire.

Sure maybe my Dad was right, in saying that I am just worrying too much. And now it is time to just trust the Lord. Later that night, I was reading and praying, about "healing."
People were healed by just touching the Lord. How do I do that!? I wanted to be healed!!!
Then, I thought, How do we touch Jesus, now? Then I realized, through spending time with Him.... my ONLY desire. I can't touch him for His healing power, until I spend time with him and pray fervently.

By his wounds we are healed: mind, body and soul.

My Jesus I love Thee

I know Thou art mine

Enferma

Oh the Blog…

I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks now. However, for the past three and a half weeks, I have been captured in a cloud that was made by the strongest infection that has ever taken over my body. I don't really remember much of the past few weeks, they just seemed like one step after another. I believe this whole experience of being sick, has become a huge life lesson. There were days when I am able to move forward, those were the days were I really lean on the Lord. Then there were days, where I was just trying to make it to the next morning. Those days I had no energy to lean on him what so ever. Through it all, I have learned about one of my deepest fears. I mean it was like I was trudging threw the deep, murky parts of my heart to discover this fear.
THE FEAR: Being Sick
BEHIND THE FEAR: lack of control & ability to save myself.
(Control… I like to think I am not a control freak. But really, I had no control of my own body, which really just frustrated me to the point of tears. Over time, rest, and medicines… I still wasn't getting better. And I just wanted to feel better, so I could enjoy this opportunity. But sure enough, there was another plan at hand.)

I have always had this fear of being so sick. Like, what if I get sick and it is too late and I can't do anything about it? These questions have always haunted me. They parade threw my mind, like the Thanksgiving Parade in New York. These thoughts don't have any reason or locic behind them and they don't belong. And I know it.

I just kept praying, during what seemed like such dark hours, that the Lord would just have the control. I wont lie, in those times, my faith felt so small.

All I could do, was habitually read Matthew 6:22- The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

I don't know how to properly explain how this played out in my head, but I just remember thinking. I don't want my body to have this darkness(or sickness), I want the light, the light of christ. But I just had to stop "looking" (focusing) o n the darkness (sickness). I want to look at the light, because I just want a good body again.

Then I continued to read Matthew 6:25- "I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; (And at that point, I had probably lost maybe five to ten pounds, because everything I was eating and drinking just made me worse. I'm telling you… I was sticks and bones!) Then the kicker! Matthew 6:25 continues to say, don't worry about your body,… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

This just hit me so hard. And now in the times where I still feel really sick, I am just going to continue to look toward the light, because that is the true and only way my body with be full of goodness.

(Now, I know, that all these verses have many different things behind them, then what I am saying… but really this is something I felt God really placed on my heart as truth. And I don't think they are that far of the main point. I'm just saying this is just another perspective of how you can think of them.)

But my wisdom is… TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, there is no such thing as trading in your body. You only have one, and without it you are without doing what you might dream of accomplishing!)

Dreams, Stuck, Dad, and June 14th

My last blog...
was a little sad.

I think I realized the enormity of my dream and the infinitesimal amount of time that is left. I was down, I was low, and I had not really had any encouragement for a while. Thankfully, I was able to finally connect with my parents. The people I have met here are great but I knew that I really just needed to get some sturdy, dependable advice. Who better then my dad!? So, I knew what I need to do just to talk to my dad. We really said a lot of things that I needed to hear. I felt like I was climbing a giant rock wall, and I was positioned half way up. I was hanging there stuck and overwhelmed! There were many things my dad explained to me about dreams, and I am going to share a few of my favorites.
First, he told me that he wanted to achieve my dream, which in itself was very reassuring. Sometimes, when we don't have someone to reassure your dreams, it is easy to feel a little hopeless.

Next, he continued to say, What is the worst thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve it? (A very good question, because in this time I was haunted by an invalid fear of failing.) The next question, which is related to this was... What is the best thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve? Well, you will find yourself on a new territory of a new dream!
Here is when it hit me, I have always dreamed of living in Mexico. Living here and experience such a beautiful culture was a huge dream of mine. And I was doing that exact dream. In effect, I was scared because I no longer had another dream or direction. As you all may know, I thrive on having a next step, like a goal, another mountain to climb, something else to aim for in the next part of life. If I don't it is easy for me to become very complacent. But with the question my dad purposed, I realized I really am standing on a new territory of a new dream and I have not lost anything! To me that is a beautiful thing.
My dad then addressed, the struggle a dreamer seems to go through in the process of perusing his dream, and the overwhelming about of fear of falling flat on your face. However, my dad explained with many examples that you maybe you are afraid of a big dream
and you don't want to fail, but the safe living leads to regret later on in life. And I never want to regret anything, I loathe the idea of regret.
Next we talked about the biggest rode block in our lives can be people and what they may say about our dreams. What I learned is that people can attack us, take physical things away from us, but they can never take our thoughts. If I continue to think what I know I can do, I will be able to do it.
My dad also said that Bold DREAMS can change you, while they are changing the world around you!!! Well, this dream of living here, speaking Spanish really has changed me, but not into a different person. The comment really just hit my feelings like a bulls eye, because I am changing in this dream, and the world is defiantly changing. But what I want to emphasis is that I'm not changing into a whole new person. I am no different to who I was before I left. I just thing I am now becoming who I have felt I was all along.
A friend asked a couple of us, when we return from Guanajuato, how will we be different?
I thought about it, and I just don't know if I will be different. I will be the same. However, I will just have continued being Megan for the last five months with a new place and new people. This time here will change me, but I think overall the time has only really just changed the world around me.
During this conversation, I asked my dad how he does it? How he works hard and succeeds. He replied by saying, "I get up, I say a prayer of thanks, and I give the day over to him. I just try to live day by day."
Well, that is what I have been doing, living day by day. And I feel a lot less stressed, stuck and overwhelmed with the things that are ahead.
I am here, I doing what I need, the lord is teaching me and I am growing.
I may not be doing everything, I had wanted or planned to do, but I am just getting up, praying, and handing over the day. Because "Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, TODAY is the ONLY CASH YOU HAVE! SPEND IT WELL!"

So I am going to spend my "cash" well!!

My dad then finished by saying that... We can see in the book of James, that it is the thinking you have that will lead you to the success to your dream. And when we worry about the dream, we begin messing up.
He said don't let anyone steal your dream… Build on to your dream with little steps and little success everyday!!
Then when I see you at the airport on June 14th, and you will have achieved your dream!
Well, Dad... I am doing this day by day...
I will see you June 14th with my dream accomplished.

Overwelmed

My heart feels...
oh so manythings that I don't know what to do with it all. I love it here, and I feel SO blessed to be here.

But right now, I just am overwelmed and feel like there are so many things I could do and want to do!

But where do I start, what can I do, and where do I go.


I feel a little...




Lost!



But I am happy to be here! I feel like I am learning so much! And I want the most from this situation! I just don't know where to start, and what to do. Then when I finally feel like I have an idea, something changes! AHHH!!!
I am lost in so many thoughts!!
I am going to work it out and write you what they are!
Don't worry, I am good! But just have so much that I am learning occuring at the same time! I am just SO confused of what to do with it all!
Meggie Sue.

Almost nine weeks in... and I lot more to learn!

pictures and videos

The first of march! I cannot believe it is the first of MARCH!! I have really enjoyed all that I have been doing here. I am looking forward to the two week break coming up in about three weeks. Right now, I am sitting next to a girl who is editing her paper, and she has the same mistakes that I do in my papers. That makes me feel a little better. Today I had a great day, woke up and went on a drive around the panoramica (a senic drive of the city!) I loved it, then we walked around and just hung out in different parts of the city. I have something really exciting that might occure in the next few weeks or so, however, I don't really want to talk about it quite yet because it is so premature! But it will be a great opportunity to help some of the people here with my skills in learning a language and learning to be a teacher. It is something that I have always wanted to do, and I always thought that I would have to be a little older to do this! BUT NO, I don't! I still have to talk with the lady, but I will be praying and praying and praying that it happens.
Oh I pray it work, I pray!!!

So I am just going to give you a taste of the lovely city, Guanajuato!!



Disclaimer: This kid is probably 50% correct in what he is saying, but oh well I just liked that there was a video of city. Don't believe him in somethings and just enjoy the city sights!



This is a great pic video...



This is like you are taking a stoll, around the city!




Hope you enjoyed... a taste of this beautiful life!!!!