There was something so wonderful and beautiful about living in Mexico and taking classes.
Now I am stuck in my house reading about a civilization and people from over 700 years ago.
I don't like sitting there by myself reading. It's very boring. I don't want to know about the people from long ago, no I want to know the people. The actual people now, their culture now, their lifestyle now. In Mexico, that was something I could do and experience. Here? Well, that is what I am working and aiming towards. But I feel stuck when I have a load of work to do!
I get nerveos.
I fail.
I am discouraged in my classes.
I can speak the language but why can't I speak the language!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Your light, when all else fades
From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
by Hillsong United
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Monday, April 21, 2008
By His Wounds We Are Healed
"All the Heavens"
Third Day
As Your children gather in peace
All the angels sing in Heaven
In Your temple all that I seek
Is to glimpse Your holy presence
All the heavens cannot hold You, Lord
How much less to dwell in me?
How much less to dwell in me?
I can only make my one desire
Holding on to Thee
All the angels exalt You on high
What a kingdom to depart!
But You left Your throne in the sky
Just to live inside my heart
I will always make my one desire
Holding on to Thee
This song just helped me to understand what my next steps need to be during the last few weeks I have left here in Mexico. I desire so many things. I feel like I am just one big bag of mixed desires! (this bag is filled with... I want to go home. I want to stay. I want to be sad. I want to be better. I want to have energy. I want to have the time to work more on my Spanish. I want to be a better house guest to my host family. I want to help all my friends on the trip who are struggling with home sickness, or other problems. I want to be stronger. I want to hug my family. I want to rest in my own house. I want to know what is exactly wrong with me. I want all these things.... I'm telling you a mixed bag of emotions.) Anyway, this song came up on my itunes, and something about it was just really was soothing to me. I played it over and over.
Upon listening to the words more and more it just hit me . He can be my ONLY desire.
And what do you do when something is your ONLY desire, you spend time with what you desire.
Sure maybe my Dad was right, in saying that I am just worrying too much. And now it is time to just trust the Lord. Later that night, I was reading and praying, about "healing."
People were healed by just touching the Lord. How do I do that!? I wanted to be healed!!!
Then, I thought, How do we touch Jesus, now? Then I realized, through spending time with Him.... my ONLY desire. I can't touch him for His healing power, until I spend time with him and pray fervently.
People were healed by just touching the Lord. How do I do that!? I wanted to be healed!!!
Then, I thought, How do we touch Jesus, now? Then I realized, through spending time with Him.... my ONLY desire. I can't touch him for His healing power, until I spend time with him and pray fervently.
By his wounds we are healed: mind, body and soul.
My Jesus I love Thee
I know Thou art mine
Friday, April 18, 2008
Enferma
Oh the Blog…
I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks now. However, for the past three and a half weeks, I have been captured in a cloud that was made by the strongest infection that has ever taken over my body. I don't really remember much of the past few weeks, they just seemed like one step after another. I believe this whole experience of being sick, has become a huge life lesson. There were days when I am able to move forward, those were the days were I really lean on the Lord. Then there were days, where I was just trying to make it to the next morning. Those days I had no energy to lean on him what so ever. Through it all, I have learned about one of my deepest fears. I mean it was like I was trudging threw the deep, murky parts of my heart to discover this fear.
THE FEAR: Being Sick
BEHIND THE FEAR: lack of control & ability to save myself.
(Control… I like to think I am not a control freak. But really, I had no control of my own body, which really just frustrated me to the point of tears. Over time, rest, and medicines… I still wasn't getting better. And I just wanted to feel better, so I could enjoy this opportunity. But sure enough, there was another plan at hand.)
I have always had this fear of being so sick. Like, what if I get sick and it is too late and I can't do anything about it? These questions have always haunted me. They parade threw my mind, like the Thanksgiving Parade in New York. These thoughts don't have any reason or locic behind them and they don't belong. And I know it.
I just kept praying, during what seemed like such dark hours, that the Lord would just have the control. I wont lie, in those times, my faith felt so small.
All I could do, was habitually read Matthew 6:22- The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
I don't know how to properly explain how this played out in my head, but I just remember thinking. I don't want my body to have this darkness(or sickness), I want the light, the light of christ. But I just had to stop "looking" (focusing) o n the darkness (sickness). I want to look at the light, because I just want a good body again.
Then I continued to read Matthew 6:25- "I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; (And at that point, I had probably lost maybe five to ten pounds, because everything I was eating and drinking just made me worse. I'm telling you… I was sticks and bones!) Then the kicker! Matthew 6:25 continues to say, don't worry about your body,… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
This just hit me so hard. And now in the times where I still feel really sick, I am just going to continue to look toward the light, because that is the true and only way my body with be full of goodness.
(Now, I know, that all these verses have many different things behind them, then what I am saying… but really this is something I felt God really placed on my heart as truth. And I don't think they are that far of the main point. I'm just saying this is just another perspective of how you can think of them.)
But my wisdom is… TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, there is no such thing as trading in your body. You only have one, and without it you are without doing what you might dream of accomplishing!)
I have been wanting to write this blog for a couple of weeks now. However, for the past three and a half weeks, I have been captured in a cloud that was made by the strongest infection that has ever taken over my body. I don't really remember much of the past few weeks, they just seemed like one step after another. I believe this whole experience of being sick, has become a huge life lesson. There were days when I am able to move forward, those were the days were I really lean on the Lord. Then there were days, where I was just trying to make it to the next morning. Those days I had no energy to lean on him what so ever. Through it all, I have learned about one of my deepest fears. I mean it was like I was trudging threw the deep, murky parts of my heart to discover this fear.
THE FEAR: Being Sick
BEHIND THE FEAR: lack of control & ability to save myself.
(Control… I like to think I am not a control freak. But really, I had no control of my own body, which really just frustrated me to the point of tears. Over time, rest, and medicines… I still wasn't getting better. And I just wanted to feel better, so I could enjoy this opportunity. But sure enough, there was another plan at hand.)
I have always had this fear of being so sick. Like, what if I get sick and it is too late and I can't do anything about it? These questions have always haunted me. They parade threw my mind, like the Thanksgiving Parade in New York. These thoughts don't have any reason or locic behind them and they don't belong. And I know it.
I just kept praying, during what seemed like such dark hours, that the Lord would just have the control. I wont lie, in those times, my faith felt so small.
All I could do, was habitually read Matthew 6:22- The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
I don't know how to properly explain how this played out in my head, but I just remember thinking. I don't want my body to have this darkness(or sickness), I want the light, the light of christ. But I just had to stop "looking" (focusing) o n the darkness (sickness). I want to look at the light, because I just want a good body again.
Then I continued to read Matthew 6:25- "I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; (And at that point, I had probably lost maybe five to ten pounds, because everything I was eating and drinking just made me worse. I'm telling you… I was sticks and bones!) Then the kicker! Matthew 6:25 continues to say, don't worry about your body,… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
This just hit me so hard. And now in the times where I still feel really sick, I am just going to continue to look toward the light, because that is the true and only way my body with be full of goodness.
(Now, I know, that all these verses have many different things behind them, then what I am saying… but really this is something I felt God really placed on my heart as truth. And I don't think they are that far of the main point. I'm just saying this is just another perspective of how you can think of them.)
But my wisdom is… TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, there is no such thing as trading in your body. You only have one, and without it you are without doing what you might dream of accomplishing!)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Dreams, Stuck, Dad, and June 14th
My last blog...
was a little sad.
I think I realized the enormity of my dream and the infinitesimal amount of time that is left. I was down, I was low, and I had not really had any encouragement for a while. Thankfully, I was able to finally connect with my parents. The people I have met here are great but I knew that I really just needed to get some sturdy, dependable advice. Who better then my dad!? So, I knew what I need to do just to talk to my dad. We really said a lot of things that I needed to hear. I felt like I was climbing a giant rock wall, and I was positioned half way up. I was hanging there stuck and overwhelmed! There were many things my dad explained to me about dreams, and I am going to share a few of my favorites.
First, he told me that he wanted to achieve my dream, which in itself was very reassuring. Sometimes, when we don't have someone to reassure your dreams, it is easy to feel a little hopeless.
Next, he continued to say, What is the worst thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve it? (A very good question, because in this time I was haunted by an invalid fear of failing.) The next question, which is related to this was... What is the best thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve? Well, you will find yourself on a new territory of a new dream!
Here is when it hit me, I have always dreamed of living in Mexico. Living here and experience such a beautiful culture was a huge dream of mine. And I was doing that exact dream. In effect, I was scared because I no longer had another dream or direction. As you all may know, I thrive on having a next step, like a goal, another mountain to climb, something else to aim for in the next part of life. If I don't it is easy for me to become very complacent. But with the question my dad purposed, I realized I really am standing on a new territory of a new dream and I have not lost anything! To me that is a beautiful thing.
My dad then addressed, the struggle a dreamer seems to go through in the process of perusing his dream, and the overwhelming about of fear of falling flat on your face. However, my dad explained with many examples that you maybe you are afraid of a big dream
and you don't want to fail, but the safe living leads to regret later on in life. And I never want to regret anything, I loathe the idea of regret.
Next we talked about the biggest rode block in our lives can be people and what they may say about our dreams. What I learned is that people can attack us, take physical things away from us, but they can never take our thoughts. If I continue to think what I know I can do, I will be able to do it.
My dad also said that Bold DREAMS can change you, while they are changing the world around you!!! Well, this dream of living here, speaking Spanish really has changed me, but not into a different person. The comment really just hit my feelings like a bulls eye, because I am changing in this dream, and the world is defiantly changing. But what I want to emphasis is that I'm not changing into a whole new person. I am no different to who I was before I left. I just thing I am now becoming who I have felt I was all along.
A friend asked a couple of us, when we return from Guanajuato, how will we be different?
I thought about it, and I just don't know if I will be different. I will be the same. However, I will just have continued being Megan for the last five months with a new place and new people. This time here will change me, but I think overall the time has only really just changed the world around me.
During this conversation, I asked my dad how he does it? How he works hard and succeeds. He replied by saying, "I get up, I say a prayer of thanks, and I give the day over to him. I just try to live day by day."
Well, that is what I have been doing, living day by day. And I feel a lot less stressed, stuck and overwhelmed with the things that are ahead.
I am here, I doing what I need, the lord is teaching me and I am growing.
I may not be doing everything, I had wanted or planned to do, but I am just getting up, praying, and handing over the day. Because "Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, TODAY is the ONLY CASH YOU HAVE! SPEND IT WELL!"
So I am going to spend my "cash" well!!
My dad then finished by saying that... We can see in the book of James, that it is the thinking you have that will lead you to the success to your dream. And when we worry about the dream, we begin messing up.
He said don't let anyone steal your dream… Build on to your dream with little steps and little success everyday!!
Then when I see you at the airport on June 14th, and you will have achieved your dream!
Well, Dad... I am doing this day by day...
I will see you June 14th with my dream accomplished.
was a little sad.
I think I realized the enormity of my dream and the infinitesimal amount of time that is left. I was down, I was low, and I had not really had any encouragement for a while. Thankfully, I was able to finally connect with my parents. The people I have met here are great but I knew that I really just needed to get some sturdy, dependable advice. Who better then my dad!? So, I knew what I need to do just to talk to my dad. We really said a lot of things that I needed to hear. I felt like I was climbing a giant rock wall, and I was positioned half way up. I was hanging there stuck and overwhelmed! There were many things my dad explained to me about dreams, and I am going to share a few of my favorites.
First, he told me that he wanted to achieve my dream, which in itself was very reassuring. Sometimes, when we don't have someone to reassure your dreams, it is easy to feel a little hopeless.
Next, he continued to say, What is the worst thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve it? (A very good question, because in this time I was haunted by an invalid fear of failing.) The next question, which is related to this was... What is the best thing that could happen, if you pursue your dream and don't achieve? Well, you will find yourself on a new territory of a new dream!
Here is when it hit me, I have always dreamed of living in Mexico. Living here and experience such a beautiful culture was a huge dream of mine. And I was doing that exact dream. In effect, I was scared because I no longer had another dream or direction. As you all may know, I thrive on having a next step, like a goal, another mountain to climb, something else to aim for in the next part of life. If I don't it is easy for me to become very complacent. But with the question my dad purposed, I realized I really am standing on a new territory of a new dream and I have not lost anything! To me that is a beautiful thing.
My dad then addressed, the struggle a dreamer seems to go through in the process of perusing his dream, and the overwhelming about of fear of falling flat on your face. However, my dad explained with many examples that you maybe you are afraid of a big dream
and you don't want to fail, but the safe living leads to regret later on in life. And I never want to regret anything, I loathe the idea of regret.
Next we talked about the biggest rode block in our lives can be people and what they may say about our dreams. What I learned is that people can attack us, take physical things away from us, but they can never take our thoughts. If I continue to think what I know I can do, I will be able to do it.
My dad also said that Bold DREAMS can change you, while they are changing the world around you!!! Well, this dream of living here, speaking Spanish really has changed me, but not into a different person. The comment really just hit my feelings like a bulls eye, because I am changing in this dream, and the world is defiantly changing. But what I want to emphasis is that I'm not changing into a whole new person. I am no different to who I was before I left. I just thing I am now becoming who I have felt I was all along.
A friend asked a couple of us, when we return from Guanajuato, how will we be different?
I thought about it, and I just don't know if I will be different. I will be the same. However, I will just have continued being Megan for the last five months with a new place and new people. This time here will change me, but I think overall the time has only really just changed the world around me.
During this conversation, I asked my dad how he does it? How he works hard and succeeds. He replied by saying, "I get up, I say a prayer of thanks, and I give the day over to him. I just try to live day by day."
Well, that is what I have been doing, living day by day. And I feel a lot less stressed, stuck and overwhelmed with the things that are ahead.
I am here, I doing what I need, the lord is teaching me and I am growing.
I may not be doing everything, I had wanted or planned to do, but I am just getting up, praying, and handing over the day. Because "Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, TODAY is the ONLY CASH YOU HAVE! SPEND IT WELL!"
So I am going to spend my "cash" well!!
My dad then finished by saying that... We can see in the book of James, that it is the thinking you have that will lead you to the success to your dream. And when we worry about the dream, we begin messing up.
He said don't let anyone steal your dream… Build on to your dream with little steps and little success everyday!!
Then when I see you at the airport on June 14th, and you will have achieved your dream!
Well, Dad... I am doing this day by day...
I will see you June 14th with my dream accomplished.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Overwelmed
My heart feels...
oh so manythings that I don't know what to do with it all. I love it here, and I feel SO blessed to be here.
But right now, I just am overwelmed and feel like there are so many things I could do and want to do!
But where do I start, what can I do, and where do I go.
I feel a little...
Lost!
But I am happy to be here! I feel like I am learning so much! And I want the most from this situation! I just don't know where to start, and what to do. Then when I finally feel like I have an idea, something changes! AHHH!!!
I am lost in so many thoughts!!
I am going to work it out and write you what they are!
Don't worry, I am good! But just have so much that I am learning occuring at the same time! I am just SO confused of what to do with it all!
Meggie Sue.
Almost nine weeks in... and I lot more to learn!
oh so manythings that I don't know what to do with it all. I love it here, and I feel SO blessed to be here.
But right now, I just am overwelmed and feel like there are so many things I could do and want to do!
But where do I start, what can I do, and where do I go.
I feel a little...
Lost!
But I am happy to be here! I feel like I am learning so much! And I want the most from this situation! I just don't know where to start, and what to do. Then when I finally feel like I have an idea, something changes! AHHH!!!
I am lost in so many thoughts!!
I am going to work it out and write you what they are!
Don't worry, I am good! But just have so much that I am learning occuring at the same time! I am just SO confused of what to do with it all!
Meggie Sue.
Almost nine weeks in... and I lot more to learn!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
pictures and videos
The first of march! I cannot believe it is the first of MARCH!! I have really enjoyed all that I have been doing here. I am looking forward to the two week break coming up in about three weeks. Right now, I am sitting next to a girl who is editing her paper, and she has the same mistakes that I do in my papers. That makes me feel a little better. Today I had a great day, woke up and went on a drive around the panoramica (a senic drive of the city!) I loved it, then we walked around and just hung out in different parts of the city. I have something really exciting that might occure in the next few weeks or so, however, I don't really want to talk about it quite yet because it is so premature! But it will be a great opportunity to help some of the people here with my skills in learning a language and learning to be a teacher. It is something that I have always wanted to do, and I always thought that I would have to be a little older to do this! BUT NO, I don't! I still have to talk with the lady, but I will be praying and praying and praying that it happens.
Oh I pray it work, I pray!!!
So I am just going to give you a taste of the lovely city, Guanajuato!!
Disclaimer: This kid is probably 50% correct in what he is saying, but oh well I just liked that there was a video of city. Don't believe him in somethings and just enjoy the city sights!
This is a great pic video...
This is like you are taking a stoll, around the city!
Hope you enjoyed... a taste of this beautiful life!!!!
Oh I pray it work, I pray!!!
So I am just going to give you a taste of the lovely city, Guanajuato!!
Disclaimer: This kid is probably 50% correct in what he is saying, but oh well I just liked that there was a video of city. Don't believe him in somethings and just enjoy the city sights!
This is a great pic video...
This is like you are taking a stoll, around the city!
Hope you enjoyed... a taste of this beautiful life!!!!
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